So many factors of our lives are ruled by our childhood. It affects who we are and how we perceive the world we live in. It pretty much shapes us. Though I do believe anyone can be whoever they want to be, if only they are determined.
My childhood was ruled by Love. I swam in a bath of Love for eighteen years, till I left my family to move to Scotland in 2013. I feel extremely lucky to have had this as a role model. My parents did fight, violently and often, but they also loved each other and it was a very pure, deep energy that radiated around them, in their moments of public tenderness.
When I was 12 years old I started writing novels. Very quickly, my parents saw my vision of Love and sexuality was way too realistic for my age. I remember my grand mother reading and asking, 'how does that child know those things?'.
I didn't know. I just imagined them, as truthfully as I could. And very quickly, I built up in my head this idea of soul mates. The idea that we all have someone who is the 'perfect match' for us, that we may spend our life looking for them. I wasn't too far from the idea I now have of it, but I missed so much knowledge that only time and experience would bring me.
Four years ago I met someone who still matches my definition of a soul mate. When we met, I would never have imagined that one day I'd be writing an article about him on the matter. He was 17, shaved his head and talked with a very Glaswegian accent.
After a few weeks getting to know him, I realized how much chemistry we had. His joyful energy and his huge heart that was buried under the character he created. I discovered there was so much depth behind his loud voice, his silly jokes and his shy smile.
I watched that boy grow into a man for the past four years. He was my partner, my best friend, sometimes my enemy. He was the one who made me laugh and dance under the rain, the one who made me cry and panic, the one who, with a kiss, would bring back my childhood fantasies. My idea of the soul mate that I had found. But there was something I didn't know...
A soul mate does not mean a perfect match.
And being in a relationship with your soul mate does not mean it will all be pink and pretty. Actually, a soul mate has very little to do with perfection.
A soul mate is someone who makes your life a constant revolution, and at the same time, they are the only person you see yourself with when you are 70 years old. A soul mate will infuriate you, because their opinion to you matters more than any other.
A soul mate will walk away from you, but you know they will come back because missing you was the strongest, constant pain they experienced. And you will walk away from a soul mate, because they will push you to your limits.
A soul mate will love you to a point that no other partners will ever reach. And you will feel that love, coming out of every pore when you touch them. You will see it from a distance, when they put their eyes on you. And you will know that nothing but death will tear you apart, even if you aren't physically together.
A soul mate isn't someone you need. You don't need anybody. A soul mate is someone you want, more than anything you ever wanted. And that desire comes from your guts, as deep as your core goes.
I would actually say now that a soul mate might provide the toughest Love to handle, because it will come with an intensity that you were never ready for. It's not something we learned at school and it's not what Walt Disney movies portrayed. That intensity is like a nuclear weapon. There are times where you won't be able to handle it. And those times will drive you insane.
They complete you. They support you through the worst. They want to see you succeed. They inspire you to be a better person. And you will feel connected to them no matter the distance. You may not talk for a year and live miles away, you will never lose that connection.
And I do believe that no matter what your situation is, if you feel deep in your heart that you found that person but you aren't in touch anymore, you should go and get them. Today. NOW ! Because if they are your soul mate...
...they are sitting at that window right now, thinking the exact same.